A Poem For My Baby Saint

Will I Know You In Heaven?

Will I recognize you, my sweet third child,

and will you recognize me?

Will you look like your sisters,

with light hair and dimples?

Or will you look completely different,

with dark features like me?

Do you miss me, as much as I miss you,

and is your heart breaking like mine is?

Even though I miss you my sweet baby,

know that I love you ever so much.

I can't wait to meet you when I leave this earth,

and embrace you as I do your sisters. 

Until then, please pray for me,

that I can hold it together for everyone else.

Love, Momma

I purchased this gorgeous Boy Angel painting mounted on wood from Flor Larios on Etsy. I also created this pocket rosary with garnet Preciosa Czech glass beads (for the month I lost the baby) and one sapphire Preciosa Czech glass bead (for the month I was due).

I also received this gorgeous sterling silver wing with birthstone charms in the mail today from my friend Bonnie at Birth Designs. I think it's necessary to carry a memento with me. This baby IS one of my children and should be recognized as so. This wing accompanies the names of my girls on their own tiny tags with their birthstones. God willing, if I should have more children, Bonnie will definitely be getting a call. Her work is beautiful,  meticulous, and thoughtful. Bonnie's website can be found here and her Etsy shop can be found here.

"My Lord, the baby is dead!

Why, my Lord--dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents' face--it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

"Why, my child--do you ask 'why'? Well, I will tell you why.

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty--he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows the secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents' merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth."

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool--forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the live that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity."

--Mother M. Angelica from the EWTN website

This Week {Feb 17-21}

After the long weekend in Spokane, it's so good to be home! It took us 8+ hours to drive home, with a stop to chain-up the tires, and a stop to take the chains off. Anyway, good to be back into a routine of sorts!

Such an adventure, driving over Snoqualmie Pass!

I got my blood drawn this morning and will likely have the numbers tomorrow (if I'm hopeful, today) and I am praying the platelets jumped! After this trip, we jumped over to Vercillo's again. I bought some crucifixes and centers for some rosaries that I am designing, and also met a young Tanzanian priest named Fr. Deo Gratias. This priest is very traditional, as he was wearing a cassock! He was a very nice man and is on a mission to build a hospital in his hometown in Tanzania, because the closest one is very far away.

Currently reading:

As I mentioned this weekend, I started The Devil's Cup by Stewart Lee Allen

I'm also still reading After Miscarriage and An Irish Country Village.

Rosaries currently working on:

Reversible St. Francis/St. Anthony with bright neon green Czech glass beads and cobalt Czech glass beads.

I finished up this one-decade rosary with matte emerald Czech glass beads and a reversible Mary/Divine Mercy center. It can be purchased here in my Etsy shop!

This is a custom order, a variation on one I did before. It's the Swarovski 'Beachy' mix but with round beads instead of bicones, it has platinum Swarovski pearls, and an Our Lady of Grace center.

Verses that are speaking to me this week:

With the Lenten season quickly approaching, this verse is a good reminder for all of us to get to Confession so we are able to receive the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist at Easter!

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin. So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help."

--Hebrews 4:14-16

Speaking of the Lenten season quickly approaching, I have decided I am going to post the Sorrowful Mysteries on Ash Wednesday (I know a billion people have already done so) and write out the Rosary prayers for everyone, since the rosary is so near and dear to my heart! Look for that soon! Also, I will be posting 6 meatless meal options, ones my family will be using on Ash Wednesday and the Fridays during Lent. I've tried to come up with other meaningful things to do during Lent, but this is what I have decided to do.

Quotes that touch me this week:

"She longed greatly to go back to those dear merry days when life was seen through a rosy most of hope and illusion, and possessed an indefinable something that had passed away forever. Where was it now -- the glory and the dream?"

--L.M. Montgomery Anne of the Island

"Mother! Call her with a loud voice. She I listening to you; she sees you in danger, perhaps, and she -- your holy mother Mary -- offers you, along with the grace of her son, the refuge of her arms, the tenderness of her embrace...and you will find yourself with added strength for the new battle." --St. Josemaría Escrivá The Way

Now I need to get back to assembling all the new rosary orders, so have a blessed day!

The Story of a Long Weekend Away and Longing to Blog

My husband's family lives east of the mountains, so when there is a long weekend, there is a possibility we will go visit. This weekend is extra long, because he took Friday and Tuesday off. Let me tell you, it's so much better to do it this way than not really be able to relax and enjoy ourselves.

Saturday we spent hanging out (and I read a lot, AND I started yet another book), Chris's grandparents came over for lunch and the girls got their Christmas gifts (in February!) and I got FOUR CUSTOM ROSARY REQUESTS! What?! I also got one on Friday, so that's five in two days. All the parts have been ordered and I'm excited to get them all assembled and off to their new owners.

The Devil's Cup by Stewart Lee Allen

I also got this weird craving to blog on Saturday. I guess the bug is in me now! I decided to hold off until I got home, maybe make a few notes in my phone, and blog when I got home. I sit here, listening to my family snore, writing this because I just can't wait to do so until I get home. Saturday was, let's day, lovely and relaxing.

In the book about miscarriage that I am reading, I had read about the Book of Life at the Church of the Holy Innocents so I went and entered Baby E's name and will receive a certificate. I read that on the first Monday of every month, the 12:15 Mass is said in honor of all babies who died before birth. This is extremely comforting to me, knowing that all these people are praying for all the babies, mine included. 

"Hear my prayer, O Lord;

let my cry come to you!

Do not hide your face from me

in the day of my distress!

Incline your ear to me;

answer me speedily in the day when I call!

For my days pass away like smoke,

and my bones burn like a furnace.

My heart is struck down like grass, and withered;

I forget to eat my bread.

Because of my loud groaning

my bones cling to my flesh."

--Psalm 102:1-5

Sunday arrived and, per usual, we were running late for Mass in the morning. We met my best friend Jane at her parish in Spokane, and to my wonderful surprise, her mama was there, too! So great to finally meet this sweet woman who raised my best friend. Since it was cold and super windy, Chris dropped off the girls and I off in front of the parish so we could run in, and he parked the car. I didn't miss any of the readings this time, thankfully! Last time, we walked in during the Gospel reading, which was kind of embarrassing, but oh well, I tried! After Mass, we headed to The Ultimate Bagel instead of our usual Starbucks. I had this delicious Eggcellent (Canadian bacon, egg, and Tillamook cheese) on a garlic bagel and I wanted to eat like 5 of them! We chatted and caught up and it was all things lovely and wonderful! I miss her already and can't wait until the next long weekend!

We gassed up and headed north to Chewelah after that to visit his dad and family. (There was a need for caffeine, so we did stop for that!) It was great to catch up with them as well! The girls' Aunt Lysi gave them some toys she had outgrown, one of which was a clock **(more on this later). We headed back toward Spokane and had pizza for dinner then played a board game that the Kinyon boys played when they were kids. It was...interesting. I liked it but it was really hard to understand and I relied on the help of everyone, so eventually I just quit! I'll stick to The Farming Game or even Rail Barron next time.

It's Monday morning, and we have one more full day with the family. I don't know what is planned, but I'm sure it will be relaxing and fun!

**So, about that clock! It's probably a 1' diameter clock with Strawberry Shortcake on it, I think. It is a standard clock with hands and one hand for an alarm. The alarm setting got turned on at some point during the day, and come about 3:45am it goes off! A loud, annoying ringing of the hammer hitting both of the bells! I'm pretty sure both girls stayed asleep somehow, thank God! I'm thinking I'll be keeping the batteries out is this thing for a while...

"You formed my inmost being;

you knit me in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, because I am wonderfully made;

wonderful are your works!

My very self you know.

My bones are not hidden from you,

When I was being made in secret,

fashioned in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw me unformed;

in your book all are written down;

my days were shaped,

before one came to be."

--Psalm 139:13-16

This Week {Feb10-14}

Currently reading:

An Irish Country Village by Patrick Taylor

After Miscarriage by Karen Edmisten

Rosaries currently working on:

A lot of 15 rosary bracelets. The colors are ruby, alexandrite, milky pink, and amethyst. I've got a few other rosaries I finished up this week and shipped out, and have some other rosaries I'm planning on putting in the Etsy shop! (P.S. I'm having a sale through Friday for 10% off! Use coupon code STVALENTINE10 at checkout!)


This week's memory verse (I don't have the brain power to memorize!) for my online Bible study:

"The Lord God said: It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him." -Genesis 2:18 (NAB)

Other verses that are speaking to me this week:

"My life is deprived of peace,
I have forgotten what happiness is;
My enduring hope, I said,
has perished before the Lord.
...
But this I will call to mind;
therefore I will hope:
The Lord's acts of mercy are not exhausted,
his compassion is not spent;
They are renewed each morning--
great is your faithfulness!
The Lord is my portion, I tell myself,
therefore I will hope in him."
-Lamentations 3:17-18,21-24

This verse was given to me by my best friend Jane, in a card I received from her after I miscarried my precious third baby. It is so true for what I am going through right now, and cannot thank her enough for her constant loving support and prayer. I will be posting a lot about what I'm feeling after the miscarriage, because I haven't really opened up to everyone about it, even family. I've given subtle hints and some people know, but I guess it's not something I just want to shout to the world. Eventually I will be able to talk about it with more people, but for now, online it is.

Quotes that touch me this week:

"I wish to have a place to honor my children I cannot hold. So sweet, so dear, so worthy of His love. They are now part of the Church Triumphant. And I sense that these vulnerable little beings, who could not sustain life here on earth, are just so radiant, wise, joyous, and holy beyond anything I could even hope to be here on earth." -from After Miscarriage (p 35) It was originally taken from a blog that has now gone private. Whoever the author is, she hit the head on the nail perfectly with this. This chapter is also what prompted me to start journaling online. So I thank you, Karen Edmisten!

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing." -from A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis  Such true words.

Coffee currently consuming this week:

SBC's #4 blend. It's a medium-dark organic fair-trade roast. I've also had a few Nespresso Kazaar coconut mochas here at home!


Okay, the three-year-old needs some spaghetti for lunch! I'm not sure how often I will be posting, but for now, have a blessed day!